She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
