erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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