have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
