She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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