Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
