You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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