During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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