I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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