When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's official drugs can't kill me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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