last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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