So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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