You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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