i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
