She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
