the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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