1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
