Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
