that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The power of my boobs compel you
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