id be glad to
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
