the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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