Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
