If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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