You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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