he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
