In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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