I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
