I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am one with the molecules
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
