yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
