Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
