Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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