i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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