I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
