Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
