I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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