oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
