If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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