Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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