I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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