I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
