Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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