nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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