I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You made out with two different species that night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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