My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
