Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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