I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
