just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize