I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
