Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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