When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
