she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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