Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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