So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
