i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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