based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize