I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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