Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize