I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
