Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
