You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
