you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
