Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
