this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
