her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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