he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
