Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
