we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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