My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
