let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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