How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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